Hi everyone! I hope you all had an excellent weekend. As I write this it is BEAUTIFUL here in Tacoma for the second day in a row. Sunshine and a breeze <3
Over the past week I’ve been working on Satya, or truthfulness. You can pop back to my first post http://wp.me/p4C99i-1O to read about my experience during the first week. Again, I’m using Deborah Adele’s book The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice to work through each of the Yamas. At the end of each chapter she gives us questions for exploration. This past M/T/W I worked with her suggestion of “doing it right the first time”.
Do It Right The First Time
Wow, this is a powerful suggestion. She talks about this not just in the idea of doing a task right the first time, but in how you speak to people and handle situations that you are presented with. I’ll be honest and say that when it comes to doing a task right the first time, I’m all over it! Example: my husband and I bought a play kitchen for my daughter for Christmas. If you’ve ever had the
misfortune pleasure of putting one of these together, you’ll know where I’m coming from. I’m talking hours, literally, of working to get this thing together. Anyway, my husband put an integral piece on wrong and just thought the pieces were sent to us wrong or it was cut wrong or something. He said, “Whatever! It’s just going to have to be crooked!”. Um, no. I don’t roll like that. At all. We went back, looked closer at the directions, took it apart, and rebuilt that specific part. So in this idea of “doing it right the first time”, I’ve got it. I’m slightly OCD and I want that sh!t done right! BUT, when it comes to conversations, or “discussions” with my husband, that is where I could use some work.
As I mentioned before, I’m quite blunt. I don’t intend to be rude or mean, but I know that sometimes I come off that way. I’ve improved tenfold in my interactions with strangers, acquaintances, friends, etc., but there’s something about the relationship with my husband that I haven’t quite gotten this one down yet. I know I can’t be the only person who has this issue. I think it has something to do with the closeness of our relationship and how long we’ve been together (We just celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary on Saturday). I once read that toddlers behave the worst towards or around their primary caregivers because they know they will always love them. Is that it? Do I think my husband will love me no matter what I say? I don’t know, I don’t think so. All I know is that I need to continue to work on this. I especially have a problem when I’m angry or upset. If I have time to cool down before I approach him with an issue, it’s much better.
The Truth is Fluid
Deborah writes, “This week, look at ideas and beliefs that once served you and now have become archaic….Honor these beliefs because, like a vehicle, they brought you to your current place on your journey”. Hmmmmm….this is a hard one. I feel like over the past year or so I have let go of so many ideas and beliefs, but the hard part is it’s really hard for me to pin them down. It’s more like an overall knowledge that I’m not the same person I once was. I do have one thing that I can pin down and describe: the idea that I am not enough, don’t do enough, and am at fault for this.
Last year I remember feeling very guilty that I couldn’t make our finances work with the money that we had. I felt guilty that I wasn’t a better mother, that I didn’t get all the cleaning, laundry, errands, etc. done in a day that I had started out to do. I also remember sitting in a yoga intensive workshop with Lisa Black (amazing!!) in October and she mentioned the idea that many people feel that they have to “do it all”. A shiver ran through my core and I knew I needed to explore this further. (That’s how ideas and feelings land for me, on a physical level. Have you noticed this within yourself too? It’s such a powerful way to test out ideas, people, and situations: seeing how they feel in your physical body.)
Since that day I’ve been letting go of that idea day by day and I will say that I have successfully conquered that “Mommy Guilt” feeling of never being or doing enough. This is a big deal for me as I spent years feeling this way. So, if you are one of those people, mommy or daddy, parent or no, who guilts themselves about not getting everything done, I’m here to tell you, this feeling can be released. You first have to realize you do it, accept that about yourself, and incrementally let it go, but it can be done. 🙂 Now this isn’t to say that I don’t have bad days where I think I could be a better mother, because those days still happen, but it’s not every day, every week, or even every month. This is a check in the win category in my opinion!
What can you change about how you approach people and situations to make sure you do it right the first time?
What ideas can you let go of that no longer serve you? Remember to be grateful for those ideas and beliefs and how they have served you in the past.